All my life I’ve had true friends. That’s one area I think I have only rarely lacked. I’ve had a bunch of friends in the past, Julia, kayla, Alexa, Hannah…etc. some of them have moved away. Some of them have left the school. And with some, we just really don’t talk anymore.
It’s sad when you lose friends but there’s generally someone else behind you to back you up.
I’ve had a number of good friends in my life that have helped me through hard times. But the two who truly understood and one that half understood were always the easiest to relate to. Holly, Alysha, and Aaron. My three best friends in the whole wide world. Some people don’t really like them and I don’t always understand why, but they are the greatest. (Aaron is a guy not a girl just so you know. And I think lots of other kids in my class can testify that most of the guys can be real jerks at times. No offense to anyone.)
But even though I’ve had plenty of true friends, I’m beginning to wonder if I have true family. Not just family who love me with all their heart and gives me things and takes care of me, but the type of family who can just get their crap together and get along. Just for me and my bros. and my step sister(but she’s already got her mom so what am I worried about?)
My parents seem to be locked in this eternal fight of abuse, mind games, custody of the kids(aka me), etc. it’s kinda getting boring. But their both using us as amo and fuel whether their trying to or not.
Example? My mom wants custody of us so she try’s to hang with me and my brothers as much as possible and doing it at my fathers expense just to annoying him. So he gets back at her by saying something that will just make her sooooo mad. Or he’ll do something that will make her mad like making her do something on her own time, getting the money/gas to get us, your getting the picture.
I’m not saying my parents are horrible people. Their actually great individuals. But I’m kinda tired of the mind games. Tired of being stuck in the middle. Tired of putting on a strong face so the kids at school, my brothers, my parents, my teachers, and the adults in my life thinks I’m fine. I’m tired. Of taking charge because my own mother and father can’t get their crap and mess cleared up so I have to sit there and shield my bros from the brunt of the fight.
I’m fourteen years old and have bandaged my own knees, taken care of my own scars, and picked myself up from the ashes with only god to help me because my parents are to busy fighting to notice. I’ve been called responsible and remarkable and all sorts of things by people I don’t even know when for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a normal 14 year old girl. The kind who gets invited to party’s, instead of having to worry about how my bros were doing or what I need to make for dinner. The kind who can sit at lunch and talk about which boy is cute and who would make a great couple and who people liked. Instead I worry about the next episode my moms going to have, the next fight, the next problem thats going to fling my way. I remember sitting at the table being able to be like that. People wonder how I get through it all. How I can’t be a kid. All I can do is shrug my shoulders and say I don’t know how. I lost almost 4 years of my life. 4 years I’ll never get back because of my stupid parents. And I lost about 2 more years after that because I couldn’t give up my brothers. No to a strange woman and her strange daughter.
To this day I still have problems trusting people. Strangers okay. I can walk up to a grown up that’s a stranger in my neighborhood and start up a conversation. Kids. I can say high and try to find something in common. Thats about it. I’m bad at keeping conversations going, not to good at starting them either. But it doesn’t stop me from trying even if I scare the heck out of a kid by doing so.
I’ve gotten as far as I have in life by clawing my way up, fighting for what I’ve had and what I can get. I’ve made it this far by growing up so my brother wouldn’t have to go through nearly as much pain as I did. And I know I can’t protect them from everything. Next time you walk up to me and tell me you’ll never know true love till you have a kid of your own think twice. Because my response will be bull. I have 3 kids of my own. Because they are my bros doesnt change nutin.
An mom and dad. Note to you. Quit callin each other the worst abusers. Because that’s just plain bull. Whilw one or the other may have gotten the brunt of it, does it really matter who did?!!!!! Note the did. It’s stupid that you guys ate still fighting a battle that should have ended a long time ago. Quit hurting each other and my bros. and me for that matter. Because all your doing is opening a scab, never giving it a true chance to heal. Go to a freekin shrink for all I care.
Get your sorry little lives together so that I can have at least a semi normal life. I don’t care about money, (god knows everyone could use more of that) power (greedy little twerps who think thy can rule the world. I dot care about anything) who gets custody (I’ll get family to take care of us if that’s what it takes for you to quit. Maybe I’ll just quit school get a stupid job and take care of your kids my dang self.) anything. Get your crap done so you can see us more often mom. Court rule or no. You can at least do your part so that when the court rule is rescinded you can visit us the way you want to (in other words take the freekin ten dollar class for pitys sake. Not that hard. What’s it gonna prove. That your a sucky parent? Like either of you guys need much help in that department. (I know I know you do your best and you’ve been getting better but your record and past actions have stayed with me) no offense or anything.
Sorry for being so blunt and slappin you guys in the face and all but sometimes that what it takes for people to wake up. Maybe even this wasnt enough. but there’s only ever one way to find out right.
“dear god. Thank you for keeping me strong, making my faith grow, and my family safe. Help my parents to realize the truth. And help me fix my faults do that someone never has to do this to me. I know how much it can hurt. And help my family not to go reeling to much from the blow this is going to cause us. Cause I know thats one thing that we don’t need. Help us grow and be prepared for the trials ahead and help me be the leader your calling me to be. May your will be done. In jesus’ name. Amen.”~Emily Gerweck
“help them remember the love they had for each other so that this battle may end quickly and peaceably so that me and my bros may know a safe and semi whole relationship is something me and my brothers have.” ~to god from Emily.