True…family!!?

All my life I’ve had true friends. That’s one area I think I have only rarely lacked. I’ve had a bunch of friends in the past, Julia, kayla, Alexa, Hannah…etc. some of them have moved away. Some of them have left the school. And with some, we just really don’t talk anymore.

It’s sad when you lose friends but there’s generally someone else behind you to back you up.

I’ve had a number of good friends in my life that have helped me through hard times. But the two who truly understood and one that half understood were always the easiest to relate to. Holly, Alysha, and Aaron. My three best friends in the whole wide world. Some people don’t really like them and I don’t always understand why, but they are the greatest. (Aaron is a guy not a girl just so you know. And I think lots of other kids in my class can testify that most of the guys can be real jerks at times. No offense to anyone.)

But even though I’ve had plenty of true friends, I’m beginning to wonder if I have true family. Not just family who love me with all their heart and gives me things and takes care of me, but the type of family who can just get their crap together and get along. Just for me and my bros. and my step sister(but she’s already got her mom so what am I worried about?)

My parents seem to be locked in this eternal fight of abuse, mind games, custody of the kids(aka me), etc. it’s kinda getting boring. But their both using us as amo and fuel whether their trying to or not.

Example? My mom wants custody of us so she try’s to hang with me and my brothers as much as possible and doing it at my fathers expense just to annoying him. So he gets back at her by saying something that will just make her sooooo mad. Or he’ll do something that will make her mad like making her do something on her own time, getting the money/gas to get us, your getting the picture.

I’m not saying my parents are horrible people. Their actually great individuals. But I’m kinda tired of the mind games. Tired of being stuck in the middle. Tired of putting on a strong face so the kids at school, my brothers, my parents, my teachers, and the adults in my life thinks I’m fine. I’m tired. Of taking charge because my own mother and father can’t get their crap and mess cleared up so I have to sit there and shield my bros from the brunt of the fight.

I’m fourteen years old and have bandaged my own knees, taken care of my own scars, and picked myself up from the ashes with only god to help me because my parents are to busy fighting to notice. I’ve been called responsible and remarkable and all sorts of things by people I don’t even know when for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a normal 14 year old girl. The kind who gets invited to party’s, instead of having to worry about how my bros were doing or what I need to make for dinner. The kind who can sit at lunch and talk about which boy is cute and who would make a great couple and who people liked. Instead I worry about the next episode my moms going to have, the next fight, the next problem thats going to fling my way. I remember sitting at the table being able to be like that. People wonder how I get through it all. How I can’t be a kid. All I can do is shrug my shoulders and say I don’t know how. I lost almost 4 years of my life. 4 years I’ll never get back because of my stupid parents. And I lost about 2 more years after that because I couldn’t give up my brothers. No to a strange woman and her strange daughter.

To this day I still have problems trusting people. Strangers okay. I can walk up to a grown up that’s a stranger in my neighborhood and start up a conversation. Kids. I can say high and try to find something in common. Thats about it. I’m bad at keeping conversations going, not to good at starting them either. But it doesn’t stop me from trying even if I scare the heck out of a kid by doing so.

I’ve gotten as far as I have in life by clawing my way up, fighting for what I’ve had and what I can get. I’ve made it this far by growing up so my brother wouldn’t have to go through nearly as much pain as I did. And I know I can’t protect them from everything. Next time you walk up to me and tell me you’ll never know true love till you have a kid of your own think twice. Because my response will be bull. I have 3 kids of my own. Because they are my bros doesnt change nutin.

An mom and dad. Note to you. Quit callin each other the worst abusers. Because that’s just plain bull. Whilw one or the other may have gotten the brunt of it, does it really matter who did?!!!!! Note the did. It’s stupid that you guys ate still fighting a battle that should have ended a long time ago. Quit hurting each other and my bros. and me for that matter. Because all your doing is opening a scab, never giving it a true chance to heal. Go to a freekin shrink for all I care.

Get your sorry little lives together so that I can have at least a semi normal life. I don’t care about money, (god knows everyone could use more of that) power (greedy little twerps who think thy can rule the world. I dot care about anything) who gets custody (I’ll get family to take care of us if that’s what it takes for you to quit. Maybe I’ll just quit school get a stupid job and take care of your kids my dang self.) anything. Get your crap done so you can see us more often mom. Court rule or no. You can at least do your part so that when the court rule is rescinded you can visit us the way you want to (in other words take the freekin ten dollar class for pitys sake. Not that hard. What’s it gonna prove. That your a sucky parent? Like either of you guys need much help in that department. (I know I know you do your best and you’ve been getting better but your record and past actions have stayed with me) no offense or anything.

Sorry for being so blunt and slappin you guys in the face and all but sometimes that what it takes for people to wake up. Maybe even this wasnt enough. but there’s only ever one way to find out right.

“dear god. Thank you for keeping me strong, making my faith grow, and my family safe. Help my parents to realize the truth. And help me fix my faults do that someone never has to do this to me. I know how much it can hurt. And help my family not to go reeling to much from the blow this is going to cause us. Cause I know thats one thing that we don’t need. Help us grow and be prepared for the trials ahead and help me be the leader your calling me to be. May your will be done. In jesus’ name. Amen.”~Emily Gerweck

“help them remember the love they had for each other so that this battle may end quickly and peaceably so that me and my bros may know a safe and semi whole relationship is something me and my brothers have.” ~to god from Emily.

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13 thoughts on “True…family!!?

  1. Emily, I love you, and I am so sorry you’ve been dealt such cards. Fear not, people see your hard work and responsibility…Heather and I are included. Most importantly, God sees your work and knows your heart. Keep leaning on the Savior.

  2. Oh Emily! I am so sorry! My heart breaks for you and your brothers and the whole situation. We pray for you, continue to find hope in God.

  3. Two people cannot settle their differences if they don’t know, remember, or are unwilling to acknowledge what those differences are. That is not a knock, it is the simple truth.
    Does it do any good to forgive a person for something that they don’t remember doing, refuse to acknowledge having done, or aren’t even repentant for?
    For myself, not when the core of the entire issue involves trust.
    For all of her ranting in a recent post, there is only one thing that your mother pretty much nailed on the head. The part where she said the only way that I’d take her back was if she was under a lot of strict regulations. Her unwillingness to seek joint counseling further dismantled any of the remaining trust I had for her. In talks with my therapist, I concluded that the only possible way to restore her to our house, without involving therapy, was such a way…but in the end it would not solve anything because that type of relationship with an unrepentant individual would not build the trust needed to sustain the relationship.
    She may spit on that solution all she wants, and parade it around as how unreasonable or controlling I was. The simple fact is I never even told her about that until she was well past the point of wanting to return. I also told her that I knew it was not a viable solution.
    I’m sorry you are in the middle. I’m sorry that the “adults” couldn’t get help before it was beyond hope. I’m sorry that someone feels like completely trashing me just because they need to try and justify their bad behavior.
    I’m not sorry that I’ve developed enough self worth that I’m not just going to sit and take it like I did for so many years. I’m not sorry that I will do what I need to do to make sure you and your brothers have the best environment possible to grow up in.
    There is a small part of me that not only still loves your mother, but misses her. It’s because of that tiny part that I find myself still wanting to believe her, wishing I could trust her, hoping that someday she can give up all the lies that she has believed for so long. Because then and only then can the healing that you desire, slowly have a chance to happen.
    But until that time comes, I have to keep all my mistrust and skepticism in place, because I have a job to do. And as long as I’m constantly pulling proverbial knives out of my back, and continually scraping my good name off the pavement, I’m not even going to consider the fact that any type apology is more than an insincere attempt to gain some sort of advantage to whatever it is she wants.
    Perhaps one day you will get your wish. Until then, you have my permission to keep slapping away, at both of us…as long as you do it in a respectful manner!!!

  4. {jediborg} this is exactly what emily is talking about. Why can’t you just say sorry and leave it at that? Why do you always have to cast blame? Who cares what she {amber} can or can’t remember, did or didn’t do, agree or nor agree to.
    For the sake of your kids {and your current wife} be the bigger person, say your sorry and move on. Period.

    {Emily} we love you very much. You said what needed to be said – and hopefully it won’t fall on deaf ears.

    • Aunt heather,
      For so many years I was the bigger person, ask any of the kids, anyone who was around me. Ask them how long I held my tongue about their mother’s action. Ask them if I ever said anything to paint their mother in a negative light. Ask those I would silence when they tried to say something negative when the kids were around.
      Only as the kids got older and started to ask questions did i answer questions, but (and you may ask the kids) only with what they were old enough to deal with and only what I could substantiate.
      It’s just now since the personal attacks been made where I can see/hear them have I started to respond.

      Now I have a few questions for you.

      What does my current wife have to do with my needing to say I’m sorry and moving on, especially because I evidently already moved on and remarried?

      Why should I have to be sorry for defending my name?

      After her mother left, I don’t know the things that were said about me at our church, but I know for a fact that some pretty nasty thing were said about me. And I know most of what was said wasn’t really true.
      I know because I’ve heard people within the church say that things were being said. I knew because every time for the next few years when I tried to arrange a sleepover for Emily, I got all sorts of excuses and refusals.
      There, I chose to say nothing. I was the bigger person. I spent years rebuilding my reputation based only on taking care of the children the best that I could.
      On the internet, how can people who have never met me learn more about the type of person I really am through action they will never see?
      As for throwing blame around, If you choose to see me as doing that, then you haven’t learned how to be objective, as far as things that I say, with how they relate to your sister. What I stated in my above post was simply an explanation on why I have and will continue to have issues with Emily’s mother. Even more so, it stated what it would take for me to start down a road towards resolution of some of those issues.
      Had you been more objective when reading my post, you probably would have taken it more as it was intended, a proverbial reconciliation road-map, than a spite filled chance at slinging mud.
      Of course, had you been able to be more objective the last time you celebrated Christmas in this house, then perhaps you would have been more willing to try to help get Amber and I together in therapy and try to work on our problems and save our marriage.
      Unfortunately, much of what I said that and other days during that tragic time fell on deaf ears. I even remember the enraged phone call I got from you because I left out “emotional” when I informed you of her admitting to me of her having an “emotional affair.”
      No, I know what you are going to say so please don’t. I’m not saying this to toss blame or sling mud. I’ve long forgiven you for the stance you took because after all she is your sister. No, the reason I mention all this goes back to my basic reason for my above post. I simply want to clear my name of things that I am not responsible for and get other issues put to bed.
      Judge me not for what you’ve heard. Judge me for only what evidence exists. Reset the bias you’ve felt towards me for all these years since I “destroyed” your sister’s life and re-examine the actions I’ve taken since then in a more objective manner.
      Yeah, I had and still have issues. Who doesn’t? And I stand up and accept responsibility for my flaws, even the ones that resulted in my divorce. Why, because the one lesson my father has drilled into me better than any other is what my name is worth.
      You see, my last name is not a common name here in this community. It’s the name on my dad’s business, it’s a part of our identity. It can help close or in this case, open doors.
      The integrity that was established by my father, and the reputation that I built up, with some very influential clients at work, were the only things that kept my name from being destroyed.
      That’s why I try to always stand by my word, even when it goes against what I think is best. It’s also why I will not apologize for standing up in protection of my name.

      Emily, I may not have gone about it the right way and it may have caught you at the wrong time, and for that I can apologize. But I am not sorry that I am defending my reputation to you or anyone else.

      Emily’s mother, call me what I am, civilly suggest what you feel I might be, but please show me the same respect I’ve shown all these years, and leave the rest of your speculations out of your public comments.

      My dear wife, forgive my evasiveness the next few weeks, I’ve just used up all my directness in one fell swoop. It might take a while for me to recover.

      To the rest of you, yeah, two of my other issues. Trouble being straightforward and trouble getting through a full conversation without not being serious. Sorry, just a part of who I am. Just wanted you to know.

      Jediborg.
      P.S. When my youngest smiles, resistance really is futile!!!

      • Well, I’ll double check. I was told directly by her that she refused to respond to anything in this. If true, 85% of what I wrote is still vaild. The remainder is also true, just not valid to the individual who I was responding to.
        Thanks for the notice.

  5. Emily, I have loved you since the day you were born and I hope you know that. I am sorry I have let my own fears keep me away from you for so long. Once again I am extending to you a hand of friendship and love in the only way I am able, online. I know a little of the hardships you’ve bourne–more than some know, far less than you know. I, too have been hurt by those supposed to love and protect me. If ever you need a person to talk to, please do not hesitate to call on me, and understand that I hold privacy to be the most important attribute in building trust. I love you and your brothers as much as my own child. Please do not doubt that.

  6. Dear Emily,
    I am praying for you as you deal with what you have had to deal with. I believe that writing it all out is a big step in helping you . Keep in the Word and keep praying. You have a friend who will not let you down. He understands, even when no else does. He can make things that others mean for bad for you- to be good for you. Remind yourself about Joseph (in his case it was his brothers that let him down- not parents- but it was family). God used the horrible things that happened to him for good. He will use the things that have happened to you for great good- if you let him. From the words in your prayers , it looks like you are on the right track- but pay attention and stay on the track.. Love, Mrs. Hosmer

      • I love the story about joseph and how he walked on the multi-colored water while parting the red sea… or was that parting the flood waters while walking on the multi-colored seas… or was it noah on the red ark…
        Sorry, too much being serious is having an adverbs refraction on me.
        Love ya Em!!!.

  7. Emily, I just want you to know that I love you very much as do your Granny, Peepaw and Uncle Sean and Aunt Cindy. I hate what you’ve had to go through all these years. I hope that your parents really can work things out to the point where you will not longer have to feel like you are having to protect your brothers from all the hurt because that is not your job. Growing up is hard enough without all of that.

    Jediborg: I won’t respond to your comments here because that is just inappropriate, but for the record, your sister hit the nail on the head.

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